Everything happens for a reason, or so they say

This quote by inspirational-advice author Harvey Mackay appeared in one of my social media feeds recently, and at the time I didn’t pay much attention except to think that it was pretty much platitudes, but platitudes that I agreed with.

However, a few incidents close to home and lots of unsettling world news have got me rethinking one of these statements.  You can guess which one it is from the title of this post: Believe everything happens for a reason.

Does the death of a young child caught in a shooting or while being smuggled across the U.S.-Canada border in sub-zero temperatures happen for a reason?  And, if so, does that expression give us an excuse not to worry about it?

Does the loss of a home to fire caused by faulty heating in frigid temperatures happen for a reason?  Well. Yes, I suppose it does.  It happens because people don’t have enough money for safer forms of heating or because someone was careless, but is that supposed to somehow make it all right?

Does a child or young adult being diagnosed with a debilitating disease happen for a reason?  And if we thought it did, would/could that help the child (and parents) or young adult cope better with their situation?

Does someone who loses their job and can’t imagine how they’re going to pay their rent or feed their family feel any better if they believe that losing their job happened for a reason?  Or would thinking that everything happens for a reason motivate them to consider new, improved options?

As it turns out, this particular saying is thought to have originated way back with Aristotle.  However, he didn’t mean for it to be used to excuse everything that happens or to try to intimate that you get what you deserve.  The true meaning Aristotle had in mind is that every event in your life is an opportunity for you to learn and grow.  Out of tough times, we actually can become stronger.  I hasten to add, this doesn’t mean that we will!  But opportunity lurks, and it is up to us to recognize it and seize it.  Or, using another related trite phrase: when life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

If you think about some of the examples of tough/terrible/tragic situations I suggested above, which of those lemons could be turned into lemonade?

For many of the tragedies we read about daily, where innocent civilians are being killed or maimed as collateral damage in criminal or military activity, I can only think of a few possible positive outcomes.  These events may help raise awareness and result in changes in public behaviour, laws, and/or security measures.  Gosh, they sure should.

For people who lose everything in fires (or to war, famine, etc.), those who are able to find the opportunity can not only help themselves but also help others.  Those who are able to pick up the pieces and move forward, perhaps with help from the community, from an employer, or from an aid agency, may find new opportunities await that they had never dreamed of.

For young people having to live with devastating physical challenges, there are many inspirational stories of individuals who have overcome seemingly impossible physical challenges to succeed in everything from the arts (e.g., Stevie Wonder and Andrea Bocelli) to sports to being a world-renowned scientist (e.g., Stephen Hawking).  Those who overcome obstacles not of their own making become an inspiration to so many others.  These are people who see the glass half full.

For people who lose their jobs or who have come to a dead end in their current one – often for reasons of mental health in these COVID times – they may find that the scary risk of giving up known security (regular paycheque) for unknown opportunities, the rewards are many.  I believe what the media calls the Great Resignation is a sign that many people have come to that very conclusion.

An excellent blog post by AP2 at Pointless Overthinking this morning addresses some of these issues.  Called Diversions, AP2 describes his own struggles with whether to stay with the known – which is becoming more difficult to swallow but provides that all-important security for his family – or cut ties and explore new opportunities.  His conclusion speaks to what I believe is the true meaning behind ‘everything happens for a reason’:

I am scared.

I realise it’s ok to acknowledge that. But, like Winston Churchill once said, you have to be willing to leave the shore to explore new oceans. Of course, that’s going to leave you stranded at sea for a while.

But, that’s exactly what an adventure is. The human spirit can only be made in adventure. Provided I back myself to navigate the tricky waters ahead, I believe I can teach my children something that no amount of money ever will: what it really means to live.

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